Look What You've Done...

He's coming.

Tomorrow.

Ten days.

Sometimes I think I was insane.

But maybe I'm just trying to let that me shine through.

Heavy handed.

Troublesome.

Sincere.

Yeah. Sincere.

I like this.

I don't know what'll happen. What I'm expecting.

I'd rather not expect anything. I just

want to be happy he's here.

I just

want to fall asleep with him.

But I will have to be damned careful.

DO NOT let him in my pants or under my bra...

Again. Hah. A mistake born of loneliness, y'know?

It's not that I doubt his sincerity...

No, wait, it is. I just don't want to have to think about what I'm doing. I want to be completely comfortable, and if I can't be then I shouldn't do it.

He's turns me on hella bad though, hahah.

Wait, sincerity? I mean, obviously we're friends and stuff, but...touching is very important to me. I can't do shit with words, I've made mine all rubbish. But touching, actions...I can keep those sincere, right? "Actions speak louder than words"? (But they don't, and that's okay for now, I'm still working).

It's been hard. Really, really hard. To keep this up. To feel so hard so quick.

Some days I just want to curl up in the darkness, again and again, and keep falling.

It's been hard.

I'll scratch through for now. Give it a test run. Because, y'know

I'm excited.

I'm

happy?

And I don't think I realized how bad I got until I do that comparison.

(Here's to trying, or, better yet, succeeding. Climb higher, faster, harder. The sun is waiting.)