And I, Well, I May Have Faked It

"Well, at least lie to me."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yeah!"

..Oh, God, no.

Please don't mean that. Please, please don't do that.

If I start lying to you, really start, you'll never see me again.

Hell, I may never see me again. I survived the last time, sure, but that's about all I did. Didn't even make it through in one piece. In two. In a hundred.

I lied for him. I lied and lied and lied. Sang like a bird. After he wanted me to. I broke once. Told the truth once. He fled.

I understand it, abstractly. She's a better person than me. Everyone likes her more, my mom, Tegan, Max...but she isn't real.

This is me.

I'm real.

I'm broken,

but I'm real.

And every time someone sees the real me, they flinch. They run. They ignore it.

You...hadn't.

So

Please

Please

Please

Don't mean that.

I don't think I'll make it through again.